Worst. Weekend ever.
And the way it looks from a 3rd person view, it makes me look like a spoiled brat.
This weekend was the Georgia State fair, a special fair to me now. It was when I desided that I truely had feelings for Travis. Not only that, it's bloody fun to go to. The live music shows (that are free), the rides, the cotton candy, the art exhibit, the cowz, the boat rides...late night ferris wheel rides.
But we didn't go. After all that I explained to him, even offering to pay for him, his mother, his brother, his brother's GF and even offering them 15 tickets a piece on top of that, we still.. didn't go.
My parents left me 85 dollars for the fair, and an additional 50 on my USSA pre-paid card. So it wasn't that I couldn't afford to take them all...
And it's not like this gesture would be unretrned or overly generous for what they have done for me. Invited me into their home, fed me, put up with me and all that other crap. But nope. We didn't go.
Friday night was just me and Travis- I sud jested the idea of going to the fair that night, but he was so focused on going to the pizza place in Macon he didn't even think it. Also, his mother called and asked we bring her back take out and meet her at her place of work in the Trauma center of the Macon Hospital.
Fine fine, but we still had time to go to the fair even after all that. So again, I sud jest it.
He's tired now.
So we go to his house, and I to numb by anything don't let it bother me, and spend the night at his place.
Next day he promised to spend time with his family, and that doesn't bother me. Again, I offer the full free trip for all of them. Again, we don't go.
We spend the evening playing all 16 cards of Skatigories and had dinner and then watched home-movies of Travis and Lance around age 1 and 2 with their family easter.
Now, don't get me wrong. I still enjoyed myself..
Yeah, it is rather selfish of me to want it. To go to the fair, to hit a few rides and eat hot cotton candy- see what is in first place for the art exhibits. Spend time in a fun setting with my beloved.
I'm such a bitch I swear. I'm trying to not hold it against him or anyone.
But all I can do is just sit here and cry like a whiny brat that didn't get their way. I feel so wounded by it all...
On top of that, last night I spent at the house. My folks are gone for a month vacation. So it's just me, the two fat cats, and a fish tank. Needless to say, I left the TV on in the other room just to make some noise so I wouldn't freak out. But it was so fucking creepy- I had a nightmare of going to a funeral for one of my college buds back in Florida Southern (Jay actually 0.o). It was weird- none of it made sense. The ceremony, where it took place, or the surrealism of the how the location felt and the people there.
No one felt sad, or cried, and it was like done in someone's garden that was on a cliff facing the ocean. All I remember was that they staked down his coat above where he was burried and tossed his fedora out to sea.
No offense Jay, I can't control my dreams.
But it was so weird. I haven't even talked to him this entire time. I woke up panicking almost, and even at that- I woke up at 12 in the afternoon.
I don't know whats with me anymore.
I stopped taking my medication, it was making me act way to weird. But like a goob I forgot my birth control at the dorm room- so from Friday-Sunday I haven't had any. Now I'm confused as to what to do. Do I skip the pills for those days as if I took them? Or take them anyway and be late for my next period? My birth control has no 'increase' or 'decrease' in dose, it's the same amount of hormone everyday, unlike other birth control. So I digress.
Well, Travis will be here soon to pick me up. Better blow my nose, clean my face and give him a good look so he won't feel emo about his dissensions this weekend too.
I will be the one to bend and flex I guess in this relationship. The one to make the compromises- for he just doesn't see them at all it seems. But I love him none the less...