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Monday, December 31st, 2007

Subject:New Dear
Time:11:11 pm.
Mood: calm.

Almost less then an hour out from the new year- and what am I doing?
Sitting in front of the computer, role playing, and listing on my i-pod nano generation 3 I got for Christmas listing to crappy music I could salvage and transfer to i-tunes (damn WMP having licenses..)

It's been an interesting year, and... well hopefully it'll be a better year in 08.

Any resolutions this year?
Same one I do every year.
To get in shape.
And once again- I choose the shape of a pear.
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Saturday, December 15th, 2007

Time:11:36 pm.

So since /b/ is dead, you guys have to live with the random crap I suffer the threads with. Fha hahaha, trolling my own LJ, I am so epic fail!

SO is here a serious question I come to myself with.
Why the fuck in a role play setting do I role play a better male then a female? On top of that, why do I feel more comfortible playing a homosexual male then a heterosexual girl? Is there something tweaked out? I mean it's borderline fetishism, I know this- but I dunno. I just see myself picking them out all the time when I start to roll up a new character or write one out for my short stoires.

I mean look at Richard, aka Delo, hard core omg flaming. Then theres Gideon, hes the kind of guy you would never know- quite and shinning his guns. Since I've found Vandellyr, I've been able to obtain yaoi based storyline for my world of warcraft toons ( so many bloodelves, I swear theres nothing heterosexual about a blood elf male! Maybe gay, but at the minum bi- have you seen the way they flick their hands?!)

WTB body types in WoW! Tried of beef-cake cloth wearing mages/preists!

Anyhow. Thats a train wreck of a rant, in such a short amount of time. And deffiently dressed up compaired to how I would of posted it in /b/.

QQ more.

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Wednesday, December 12th, 2007

Time:7:07 pm.

There is nothing here, move a long....
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Friday, October 19th, 2007

Subject:And now
Time:7:31 am.
And now for something completly lame and feeds my eeeppeeen.

Damn streight, so fer serious- getting through Kara. So hard core.......

someday... sigh.

WTB 13k unbuffed.
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Sunday, October 14th, 2007

Time:2:33 pm.
Mood: sad.
Worst. Weekend ever.

And the way it looks from a 3rd person view, it makes me look like a spoiled brat.

This weekend was the Georgia State fair, a special fair to me now. It was when I desided that I truely had feelings for Travis. Not only that, it's bloody fun to go to. The live music shows (that are free), the rides, the cotton candy, the art exhibit, the cowz, the boat rides...late night ferris wheel rides.

But we didn't go. After all that I explained to him, even offering to pay for him, his mother, his brother, his brother's GF and even offering them 15 tickets a piece on top of that, we still.. didn't go.
My parents left me 85 dollars for the fair, and an additional 50 on my USSA pre-paid card. So it wasn't that I couldn't afford to take them all...

And it's not like this gesture would be unretrned or overly generous for what they have done for me. Invited me into their home, fed me, put up with me and all that other crap. But nope. We didn't go.

Friday night was just me and Travis- I sud jested the idea of going to the fair that night, but he was so focused on going to the pizza place in Macon he didn't even think it. Also, his mother called and asked we bring her back take out and meet her at her place of work in the Trauma center of the Macon Hospital.
Fine fine, but we still had time to go to the fair even after all that. So again, I sud jest it.
He's tired now.
So we go to his house, and I to numb by anything don't let it bother me, and spend the night at his place.

Next day he promised to spend time with his family, and that doesn't bother me. Again, I offer the full free trip for all of them. Again, we don't go.
We spend the evening playing all 16 cards of Skatigories and had dinner and then watched home-movies of Travis and Lance around age 1 and 2 with their family easter.
Now, don't get me wrong. I still enjoyed myself..

Yeah, it is rather selfish of me to want it. To go to the fair, to hit a few rides and eat hot cotton candy- see what is in first place for the art exhibits. Spend time in a fun setting with my beloved.
I'm such a bitch I swear. I'm trying to not hold it against him or anyone.
But all I can do is just sit here and cry like a whiny brat that didn't get their way. I feel so wounded by it all...

On top of that, last night I spent at the house. My folks are gone for a month vacation. So it's just me, the two fat cats, and a fish tank. Needless to say, I left the TV on in the other room just to make some noise so I wouldn't freak out. But it was so fucking creepy- I had a nightmare of going to a funeral for one of my college buds back in Florida Southern (Jay actually 0.o). It was weird- none of it made sense. The ceremony, where it took place, or the surrealism of the how the location felt and the people there.

No one felt sad, or cried, and it was like done in someone's garden that was on a cliff facing the ocean. All I remember was that they staked down his coat above where he was burried and tossed his fedora out to sea.
No offense Jay, I can't control my dreams.

But it was so weird. I haven't even talked to him this entire time. I woke up panicking almost, and even at that- I woke up at 12 in the afternoon.

I don't know whats with me anymore.
I stopped taking my medication, it was making me act way to weird. But like a goob I forgot my birth control at the dorm room- so from Friday-Sunday I haven't had any. Now I'm confused as to what to do. Do I skip the pills for those days as if I took them? Or take them anyway and be late for my next period? My birth control has no 'increase' or 'decrease' in dose, it's the same amount of hormone everyday, unlike other birth control. So I digress.

Well, Travis will be here soon to pick me up. Better blow my nose, clean my face and give him a good look so he won't feel emo about his dissensions this weekend too.

I will be the one to bend and flex I guess in this relationship. The one to make the compromises- for he just doesn't see them at all it seems. But I love him none the less...

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Sunday, September 16th, 2007

Subject:I'm BACCK
Time:12:27 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
Dear Journal Viewers,

Well it's been a crazy four months, but I'm back. I made a sexy computer with the help of my beloved Travis. It's case is the Guardian case (in blue) by NTXZ (check it out on newegg.com!). I'll be posting random pictures of the college, my dorm room, crazy roommate Natasha (a 25 year old version of my mother! :O), and my sessie computer (sessie> sexy. Obey!).

But lets see. What can I say?
Getting into GCSU was like something a deity sent down as a blessing, I'm serious- theres no other way this agnostic can describe it. But my mother said that if I didn't get an acceptance by August the 1st, I was to contuine to go to the tech college, find a steady paying job and move out of the house by March. Woo. But then I called the admissions that day of the 1st and they said I was accepted- and the letter should be in. Right away, it was a crazy head spin to go to nelnet (a good company mind you) to get loans set up for college (being as I have a 2.8 GPA and get no HOPE (Georgia's version of Bright Futures)). Hopefully I should get it for next fall when I pull up my GPA :D.

Lets see. But then August the 8th rolls around and me and Travis have our 6th month anniversary, which consisted of going to Johnny Carnineos for dinner (I was so full from lunch, and felt bad- they brought out so much food. Stuffed Mushrooms, bread, a salad and then I got the home-style Lasangua). He payed for dinner, and we went to the Bourne Ultimatum which I paid for (a horrible movie IMO, but he liked it- and after awhile I started to appreciate the storyline, but the camera made me dizzy so I had to look down/close my eyes once and a while).

I'm really astonished how well me and that goober click. Rarely do I feel so comfortable with communicating/being seriously intamimate with a male. Not that gender really matters- but when I'm with him, I just feel so at peace, whole and calm. It's when the bastard talks to me on the phone half paying attention do I want to rip his hair out. But oh well, thats how it goes. We bounce e-mails enough too, and talk just about every night on the phone. He goes to a college up outside of Atlanta in Marietta called Southern Polytech University. Travis is going there for his degree in learning computer security software engineering. Yayness!

It was a bit of a trial for him to get into the college himself. He and I had a rough last year I guess you could say. I freaking out and going to Illion (I'll post the story in full later on that), and he not getting enough money together to go to college. He went to Macon State for that year, misairible and self-defeated, knowing he could do better. And I the same as I dragged my heels to a less then accepted accreditation tech college of depression. Thus why the Effoxor pulls (75 milligrams every morning at 8:15 with my birth control). But this year he got the money together, the loans from the school and Hope ect. Yay, otherwise, I'd worry for his sanity doing another year at Macon State and working at Stake n' Shake.

But lets see. Going to GCSU is cool- I have a few friends already, and of course my two chums from high school go there (Jeff and Danielle- cutest couple EVER). I'm taking 15 hours, no biggie, and two of them meet only once a week (my political science class, and my biology lab- w00t).

Well, I've kept you honkies to long now.
Happy trails and talk to you later


*This song is special to me. Travis basically just hinted it to me one day on his Myspace and stuffs, so yeah ^ ^
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Wednesday, June 13th, 2007

Time:8:37 am.
1.) My username is Bob the Carp God because: Well, long story told short- me and Lizzu were doing a Star Craft role play, and Stukkof desided to sacrifice Kerigan the goddess to the carp pond- thus a giant carp god fish came out to swallow and gum her down whole. Thus the creation of Bob. The. Carp. God.

2.) My journal is titled The Temple of Carp because it goes in refrence to the whole god thing.

3.) My subtitle is Enter this fishy domain in reverence because it goes, again, with the whole temple idea. Really cheesey.

4.) My friends page is called Sea Weeds because like the plant, I have multiitudes of them that keep growing. As well it keeps with the whole fish water theme..

5.) My default userpic is "Bob is God" because it is simple, and a rather fancy looking picture of a 3D fish.
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Monday, June 4th, 2007

Subject:28 Weeks Later and Love.
Time:2:38 pm.
Mood: chipper.
I'm to romantic for my boyfriend sometimes, I swear. And to over dramatic for him.
We're polar opositis. Hot and cold. Earth and fire.
Silly Aries is butting heads with another Capricorn. Ha :3

I love him, and he drives me nuts. But then again, I'm pretty clingy- so I probably drive him nuts.

So I went to see 28 weeks later. Good movie, epically if you like physiology. Not a zombie movie per-say. But a movie about how humans react based on the need of surivial, verse is there true humanity and makes us human. You see different reaction of these types of personality's in a dire life-threating situation. It brings out the true human in us, or the animal saving it's own hide. That my friend, is an interesting topic.

If you where faced with a situation where you could save your life, or your friends lives- which would you pick?
Personally, I'd go for my friend's lives.

So tommarow I'm going to hand therapy again. Get to play with silly puddy with my pinkie and thumb (have to stretch it just using those two fingers) and then clipping wooden-wash clips to a bucket with my pinkey and thumb (as well as the ever so painful clenches gripper).

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Monday, May 14th, 2007

Subject:Go back to sleep
Time:8:40 am.
Mood: loved.


Count 'em. Baaaa.

Not much to say. Waiting for the end of the qauter to send of transcripts. Excited about a trip I'm taking with Travis in June to Savannah. :3
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Thursday, May 10th, 2007

Time:8:44 am.
Mood: sore.
Now, give me my cable, fast food, four-by’s, tat’s right away
I want it right now, ’cause my g-ggeneration don’t like to wait
My future’s determined by thieves, thugs, and vermin
It’s quite an excursion, but it’s ok
Everything’s backwards in americana, my way
Well, fuck you


I got my cast off, now I have to go to finger threapy. What a waste of tax pay'ers monies.
My finger's all sore and shit, and can barely move.
"Wiggle your big toe" haha

Pay the man, for christ sake.

More to come later, honkies.
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Wednesday, April 25th, 2007

Subject:Talk is Cheap
Time:1:43 pm.
I feel that I do not really flow the standard of the LJ community. My posts are generally short, less then three paragraphs and can be read in one sitting.

On the other hand, I have many friends that they type so much I am require at least two or three hours to contenplate and disguest what I just read, reply, and then go to the bathroom a few times inbetween it all.

Maybe I just don't ramble enough, or maybe theres nothing turely exciting going on in my life to talk about.


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Tuesday, April 24th, 2007

Subject:DnD is fer epixs
Time:1:26 pm.
So, today my witty and beloved boyfriend came to 'campus'. He meet the creepy 25+ year olds that do nothing with their lives but play dnd and yugayoh. It's a nice wake up call, haning out with them, that I want something better in my life.

I've been playing dnd with them durring my lunch break (from 10-12:50). he came with a rogue that he rolled up without aid, or real thought.

Now, he's a wow player, so his idea of a rogue is to deal damage and take a few sissy hits. DnD rogues is all about your traps, tricks, and dasterily deeds. So:

He put his piroities as:

Meaning more a thug then a theif.

Anyhow. Mindless bordem. I really want to RP my new psionic warrior in dnd... but I want serious play time.Then again- Might roll her on Maelstrom when I get back- just will make her a furah waarrior and grind levels fer fun.
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Saturday, April 14th, 2007

Subject:Norweigen Bands Rawk
Time:11:59 am.
Mood: calm.
Bak Et halleluja- by Kaizers Orchestra
Behind A hallelujah

Father I must ask forgiveness
It's my fault that Tony's packed in a car cover
I've broken Monsieur Clavier's regulations
You know I can’t take care of him

I plead to you. Help, Father help me
I'm standing in boots of concrete, Father help me
I said, Russian roulette's not a good idea
But he felt fine so he forced me along

I watched him spin the cylinder
he put the barrel between his teeth
I’ll pray for you my son

Cos by him you've not yet been judged
Cos nobody can say no to the amount Monsieur Clavier gave
And only Father martin knows what's behind a hallelujah
Tony has a genuine double

Track him down, set up a contract, give him money
You may take a handful out of our collection
You may become as most people, or you may become a priest
But never return cus your days here are numbered

A video by one of my favorite artists has the song to it. The video is called "War", and it visually discribes the rise and fall of world nations based on the greed and power of humans. X, O's, Tirangles- whatever, still the same in the end.
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Friday, April 13th, 2007

Subject:Things are looking up, young grasshopper
Time:2:48 pm.
Mood: hopeful.

Bad news-
I've been sick since last wednesday.

Good news-
Friday, April 27 as of 10PM I will be at the GCSU campus under their "FAST" Friday advisement day (WOOT!). So any honkies there that want to poke me, call me that day after the events.

Tentative Agenda
10 a.m. Check In
11 a.m. Information Session
11:30 a.m. Pre-Advisement
12:45 p.m. Lunch
1:30 p.m. Campus Tour
3 p.m. Village at West Campus- Tour


So excited about life.
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Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

Time:11:34 pm.
I was alone, Falling free,
Trying my best not to forget
What happened to us,
What happened to me,
What happened as I let it slip.

I was confused by the powers that be,
Forgetting names and faces.
Passersby were looking at me
As if they could erase it

Baby did you forget to take your meds?
Baby did you forget to take your meds?

I was alone,
Staring over the ledge,
Trying my best not to forget
All manner of joy
All manner of glee
And our one heroic pledge

How it mattered to us,
How it mattered to me,
And the consequences

I was confused,
By the birds and the bees
Forgetting if I meant it

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

I was alone,
Falling free,
Trying my best not to forget

Yay. That was about this past year in a bottle.
Placebo always hits the spot.

So I'm awake. Soon things will really get rolling and I'll completly take over the world, with my boy-man-thing by my side (I hope- nothing set in stone, only if he wants to *removes creepy staltastic notions*).

Cancled my world of warcraft acount for this qauter till I get everything streigthed up. Might restarted it in June for a bit- but then cancle it till I get in a real college again and get settled, again. Must make rutine and pattern first! Must... get... life back, captin'.

If not, then I'll sell my BOPS, give my cash to some unsuspecting person, delete everything and move on to something else. I only play it anymore for a small select few, and at that, they seem to rather play allaince paladins healing-dungeon grinding anymore. Or play way to many alts.
I wanted to see raid. See Kharazan, Gurll's Lair, Matheradon, Oni, Nef, Rag, Hakkar, even AQ. All of it. But what?
I've only done half of the lame bosses in ZG, a burn run in AQ20 (and no bonus bosses), and all of the new 5-mans (no Khara, and no heroic).
So I'm bored, my guild is dead- and I am tired.
Time to pull the plug and move on.

new games out there anyhow. Such as. http://www.dreamfall.com/
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Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

Subject:Come Ride With Me
Time:9:07 am.
Mood: calm.
... Through the viels of History

Why is it when I listen to muse I feel something good about to happen? Could be the Effexxor talking, but I feel such a great swell of hope these days. OH WELL.

Things feel stable for the frist time in a long time, there is a routine going on, there is a quite mutal respect on a tenious thread thick allaince in the house. We have the same goals- for my indepedence. My goal- to get it sooner then later. Their goal to get it after years. Either way, it is a goal that we strive for as of late.

So after the assoicates its back to a four-year. Back on that muel that kicked me before- but this time it will be diffrent, but the same. Art is a passion, art is a life- but I do not have what it takes to cut the competition. I am to thinned skin and lack true talent. So I choose my second passion for life. English. Educaation. I will work with Resocurse high school children. That is speical-education, but not the severe cases. Cases like ADHD and the such.

I'm re-opening doors and making daring pokes lately. We'll see how those go. Ha!

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Monday, February 19th, 2007

Time:10:55 am.
Mood: apathetic.
So anyhow.

Why the lack of update? Effexxor man. It makes me... numb. My head feels very cloudy, and stuffed up. And I feel fluttery and jittery- like my skin doesn't fit and I am very jumpy inside. twitchy at best.

I missed my therapy appointment on friday to because of it, I totaly wrote it down, but I had no one to take me and it was less then 24 hours to tell them I couldn't make it, so now its a 50 dollar no-show fee. Joy. So that 100 for mom, 50 for therapy and 15 for crack. Intervention, I think so.

So his name is Travis, and I went to high school with him. I even tried asking him to my senior prom via note book paper (circle yes or no) sort of silly shit, passed it in chemistry class at the end of a test- but he never responded so I took it as a resounding no. Such goobers we were. Confessional truths of repressed crushes coming forth about that long sort of deal that you only see in bad chick-flicks.

I'm comfortible with it, and he with me. He himself half swung like I. And it amuses us both greatly.

On another note.
I'm sturggling to make good greads because I'm so fucked up... job, worry, stress, parents.
It's like I'm 16 with 25 year old problems.
I hate it.
Got. to. do. something.

"What do you want to do for the rest of your life?"
"I don't know. I have no dream, no goals, no desire to do anything."
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Thursday, February 8th, 2007

Time:9:10 am.
Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?

I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
I guess Im a little bit shy
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me without making me try?

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

How can I help it
How can I help it
How can I help what you think?
Hello my baby
Hello my baby
Putting my life on the brink
Why dont yo like me
Why dont you like me
Why dont you like yourself?
Should I bend over?
Should I look older just to be put on the shelf?

*bouncing off the walls* HYPER! GLEE! Ommgfffggg...... happiness is warm gum and a realization of truth.
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Wednesday, January 10th, 2007

Subject:Sugar and Ice. Love Like Winter
Time:10:57 am.
Warn your warmth to turn away
Here it’s December, everyday
Press your lips to the sculptures
And surely you’ll stay (love like winter)
For of sugar and ice.. I am made, I am made


So I've started classes again. w00t. Two online, two on campus. 18 hours this quater. Fun times and pumpkin pie.A math class, an english class, and two computer classes to the boot. Shouldn't be to hard, but I gotta get my IEP stuff setup tommarow when I go back to campus. One class meets everyday. One class meets everyday but Wednesday- which makes wednesday my heavy online class time for me.

Updating my resume for petsmart- but I'm still looking for some kind of part time job to pay off the monthy 100 bill thing, but oh well. Tis life and our choices we make.

Listenign to the Decemberunderground CD a lot lately- I love the vocal harmony in various songs (such as Affliction). But meh, some songs get on my nerves because of the repitition. Then again, all songs are like that. Verse. Chorse. verse. chorse. chorse.. repeat one word and fade out. Gwad emoz! lawl.

I've heard a lot of drama ish stuff about me Kansas homies- which makes me really want to get a hold of John and Lizzu-sama, but good luck on that. I can get a hold of Jessie and Ray just fine, the rest are rather elusive.

Well thats life in a nutshell right about now. Yeap. Minus the emotional trauma and daily annonancies.

Blub blub. CArP oUt.
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Friday, December 29th, 2006

Subject:With Energy
Time:8:43 am.
Mood: calm.
It's like being a desperat cat raking at the sides of a card board box to get out.
It's like being beaten with a newspaper and finally realizing.

The black hole doth summon me, and Kansas shows the horizons. Back to the very orginal idea of Bethany College, and beyond. This is what clicks right- the people, the face.

This is what is the furthest away from those who wish to mold me to something that I am not. To the things that is my very roots, the core of my being. I am tired of playing the mask game, and tired of not knowing my orginal face anymore. This is it. Time to burn them all and just be me. Sorry- for those of you who are just tuning in- it's time to say hello.


Good times, bad time, I am sticking with this dessison. And hopefully some old friendly faces will show up too. *cough* But it sounds like the drama never ends in said black hole- it should prove to be intresting needless to say.
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LiveJournal for Bonnie.

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View:Website (LetKidsOut).
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